DEFINING UPGRADE
What do you call it when going from acquaintance to friendship? Or friendship to relationship? Or relationship to life partner? You could call it an upgrade. You know how computer programs are constantly informing you that you need to upgrade to the latest version? There is certainly the parallel to life that can be drawn – many of us need to upgrade to the latest version of relating to others.
Making friends when a youngster involved living in close proximity to one another. You played together, rode the same bus, went to the same school and sometimes you were even in the same class. You were friends.
When you got older, your friends came from farther away, perhaps, than your immediate neighborhood. Able to get around more, you rode a bike and later drove a car to meet up with them. These friends attended different schools and lived in different towns. Some friends moved away and you had long-distance friendships. Maybe you visited one another once or twice a year. Or maybe when they moved away (or you moved away) you lost touch altogether.
After college or high school, your life began in earnest. You may have gotten married and had children, leaving little time for meeting up with old chums frequently. Your communications with friends decreased from infrequent visits to occasional phone calls and, finally, to the holiday greeting card list.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU NEED ONE?
Chances are, your ‘circle of friends’ includes many co-workers, past and present. Your circle also includes those people you met along the way: while attending PTA meetings, sporting events your children participated in, or extra-curricular activity carpool-buddies. If so, you might not need an upgrade. You may be surrounded by people who you enjoy spending time with, having had and still having common interests to share and discuss. You, happily, are “good to go.”
Then there are those who didn’t socialize much while their kids were growing up. Your occupation was so demanding that, along with your own hobbies and interests and keeping the home-fires burning, there was not enough time and energy to sustain any real friendships. Now that you and your spouse have more than enough free time to do some socializing, you find you have few people to socialize with. You definitely need an upgrade! Quite possibly, you actually need to install the program!
WHICH UPGRADE IS FOR YOU?
If you think about it (and since you’re reading this, you are thinking about it), you not only need to upgrade your “social network”, but your relationship with your now-grown children. It’s easy to carry on with the status quo, but don’t you and they deserve to upgrade? After all, they’re not young adults who need so much consistency and direction from you anymore. They need to know you’re there, certainly, but more to listen and just to be present in their lives, giving advice only when it’s requested.
Think back to when you were in your early adult years; your parents and other relatives celebrated your successes and accomplishments. They were there as your babies blossomed into youngsters. They commiserated with you when you had problems. That’s the role you need to be taking now. The days of telling your children what to do are over, it’s their life now, for better or worse.
And what about that partner of yours? Are you still on an even keel with them? Do you still have romantic interludes and getaways on a regular basis? Do you still do anything together besides watch the boob-tube? If the answer to these questions is “no” then you most assuredly need an upgrade. While we don’t expect the relationship to have the fire and passion it did when we first met, there should still be hot embers. Remember, embers will turn into lifeless lumps of coal if they aren’t fanned every so often. And those embers need new coal added to sustain the fire, otherwise only ashes will remain. Whatever will add coal to your embers, that’s what you’ll need to upgrade to.
Suppose our other friendships have languished or even succumbed to complete abandonment – is there a way to breathe life back into them? Can they be resuscitated? I’m here to say that there is and you don’t need to learn CPR to do it!
On a recent trip to my home state and town, I met up with a couple of grade school/ high school friends I hadn’t seen in many years. We each spent a few hours together – one a visit to their home and another dinner at a local diner – while we were in town. Since then, we have kept in touch via email and social networking sites. They do plan to reciprocate our visit by stopping by when they travel to our area of the country. I also intend to visit them again when I travel back there for my 40th high school reunion this year. Meeting up with them was, well, it was like time had not passed at all. It was rejuvenating.
There are also those friends in closer proximity that I haven’t kept up who, for one reason or another, suddenly I’m reconnecting with. We meet for lunch dates most often. So, rekindling the old friendships is not difficult at all – if I can do it, anyone can.
Lastly, and perhaps closest to my own heart, is the relationship we have with new additions to our family – the grandkids! Those little rugrats are just the best thing that could happen to an over-fifty body! And you get to “work up” to being back in the swing of things with them. First, they’re tiny babies who only need to be held and fed and changed; not physically demanding at all. As they get older, you get to move around with them more and more. Taking strolls while pushing them around gets us walking and enjoying the outdoors (or malls, whatever). Then they have us running to keep up with them – at birthday parties, ball games, zoos, picnics, beaches, parks. We’re getting more fit all the time! It’s good for us, great for them and it’s what life is all about – fun, family, life and love.
THE LATEST VERSION IS NEVER THE LAST VERSION
Whenever we change, even the littlest bit, we upgrade. We’re never changing for our own detriment but for our own good. Those of us who have a spiritual bent, we desire to upgrade our spirits as we get older. Those with a passion for the active life, they want to get stronger and have more stamina. Those whose interests lie in knowledge want to know more and know it better and more fully. Most of us are a combination of all that and more. Not one of us has all the answers to life’s mysteries, but we can know that change is forever. We’re never done upgrading and the latest version is never the final one – there are always more to come. And there lies the adventure!
May all your relationships be upgraded to the latest and best versions and, most of all, may they bring you love.

